Friday, April 2, 2010 | By: G-Balleza

Not me in myself....

"Ya Allah...beri petunjuk..beri hidayah...pada hambamu yang hina ini...ampunkan daku atas dosa yang kulakukan........................."

Lirik lagu yang tiba-tiba muncul dibenakku..lantas kualunkan dengan muzik hatiku sendri...telah kuhabiskan secawan Radix sekejap tadi...yang sengaja diminum agar mataku dapt bertahan......supaya aku dapat menghabiskan tugas2 seorang isteri agar segalanya nampak sempurna di matanya.....rutin harian sebagai pendidik di sekolah swasta teramat sibuk...hingga petang tadi pukul 5 petang baru ku bersua kembali dgn apple of my eyes..iffatul fathnin....Baru saje mencecah 2 tahun pada 23 mac yg lalu...fathnin membesar as a happy child..alwiz smile..n not alwiz cry....entertained my life....Sesungguhnya...hanya melihat senyumannya..cukup menghilangkan kepenatan aku bekerja.....Entahlah..kenapa tetiba inginku melakar kata2 pada dada blog ini pagi ini..Maybe I cant sleep as well as u guys.....so many things appeared in my mind tis night......for today is actually a meaningful day in my life....coz..2day is really his 29th burfday......happy bufday laling.....Last night, I waited patiently till 12am..just only 2 be the first person wishing him happy Birthday...though my eyes crazy to sleep....n really slept at 11.45p.m...Then I believed tat....God had awaken me up when i opened my eyes, the clock shows 11.58p.m n i was quickly texting him a short n simple msg...."Happy birthday,cyg buchuk!"...then it was delivered when I heard tones from his nokia 6210...."u have received a message"....Then i smile....continued my sleeping session....He noticed me 2day tat he was really tired n hungry...tat's why he slept early last nite...(noted : my sins coz I was very tired 2 cook tat evening....) at the moment of COUNTDOWN......so i was not keeping things in my heart....... let he took his rest.....n one thing was.....i dunot noe what i wanna 2give him tis year...for in me alwiz care n take note about the important date in our life...especially his burfday.....Laling...can't i recall back the memories of ours????sometimes, my memory was very hard 2 remember what i've done on his bufday....but sometimes I realized tat i was really crazy to do surprised on him 4 almost every year.....2005: The first year we celebrated ur bufday as a husband n wife...i was really forgot what was my present 2 him on tat year.....n i just found a cute card in his collection : batrisyia was not exist yet at tis moment....oppppssss...the sound of beethoven still function till tis nite...here wat i wrote in his card...my hopes on tat day...."aku tidak mengharapkan hidup di kelilingi intan permata..masih memerlukan pada cintamu yang dulu..cinta yang lebih bermadu..kasih yang lebih bersinar....rindu yang tiada noktahnya......." just a little bit key....ok..tat words trully came deep of my heart... what i wanna him 2 be.....as same also wif me...2006: This year my hubby was at IPSMB....completing his studies in KPLI.....I was in Kuantan.... the second year being a teacher at SRI Al-Irsyad Balok...how difficult it was to make sumtin on his bufday......then i got the idea...as early on february..i bought a Casio Watch@ time galerie...Giant Kuantan...then during the holidays on March...when i went back to my sweet home @Besut...i put a a box which was beautifully wrapped in my wardrobe...@place can't be seen....1st April 2006 : i was in kuantan...hubby was in Besut...i've made a call to him....'hello,abg ader nampak tak bj blablabla jiey yg tertinggal dlm almari..cari jap...kalu jumper...call g semula jap lg...tat's the dialogue....luper jgk..tp gitchulaa rasanya..then after a minute, he called back....."jumper hadiah celah bj.." thanx.....,then i wished him Happy Bufday... the card was also had happy bufday tones in it....still well functioned while completing tis entry....some of my heart saying in the card was: "Do remember our hard work..hard planned, hard decision to go as far as these days..Remember it was not easy to be together like today...."-mat salleh version....n tis was a malay version:-siang dan malam isterimu berdoa agar ditetapkan hati kita berdua,biarpun jauh,semoga kita lebih menghargai apa yang tiada dihadapan mata. moga jarak yg memisahkan kita menjadikan kita lebih akrab, rapat dan mesra.Pernah dulu kita sematkan kejujuran,keikhlasan dan kesetiaan pada tonggak sebuah cinta. Abadikan bersamanya'permata cinta' IFFATUL BATRISYIA'..hadirnya menambah seri, melengkapkan kasih sayang kita...Besar harapan ini, agar si comel ini menjadi pengikat kasih setia antara kita..."Full stop. 2007: tis year we got together in Kuantan...early in the morning 1st April 2007....i quickly decorated outside of my mil's house wif ribbons, crepe paper n balloons....paste a tentative of the programme on da wall.....n he was wondering what i was doing...maybe.....he had already noe..but buat2 dunno...hehe...at 10 am...the children whom we taught them al-Quran came 2 celebrate...i asked hubby to wear in pink....then he just followed....i taught this year celebration was the best one coz i can organized lots of games wif the children....about 30 sumtin jgk rasenya yg dtg....we had tiup belon smpai pecah competition, rebut kerusi n poisoning box......all of the children looked happy....at 12.00 noon...the prize giving caremony reached....i asked my daughter to give a present to her walid..then after he got the prize..i asked hubby to open it in front of the children whose faces very curious 2 knoe wat was the prize.....To their shocked ,everybody caught in a big laugh when hubby took out the toy handphone from the box...then i said..nak hadiah handphone kan......batrisya bgla handphone ni kat walid.....On tat time, hubby still used 3310 phone i tot......everybody still in laugh until i came out wif a big box....then i asked him.....ok..open this box....only wrapped wif newspaper...then hubby opened one by one...box by box.....then.....very surprised that......the real present from ummi was nokia handphone 5300 model...how happy my hubby was on tat time....everything tat made u happy was already there babe...this was my heart saying: Ke arah sedekad bersama,banyak manis dan duka dilakari,dalam lipatan memori,terasa bagai begitu mengenalimu..ubahilah apa yang sama pada musim yang lalu..tingkatkan iman,seringkanlah undang isterimu ke jalan syurga..jemputlah aku solat bersamamu,temanilah diri bertahajjud menghadap Ilahi, perbanyakkan membaca Al-Quran, serta dahulukanlah solat setiap kali fajar siddiq menjelma...doakan diriku dan anak kita tergolong dalam golongan yang dicintai Allah(sekadar muhasabah).2008:-i was pregnant 4 our second baby on that year.....so, early on January.the preparation was started....coz my due is expected on March. I asked my frens Ummi Salwa who was doing her Phd to look out the wallet @her place of study......Australia..Besides...I also bought batik long sleeve at Pasar MPKB to him..n one more present...i can't tell u guys ..secret..u guess it urselves hokeyh......To his anger....when the parcel which Ummi Salwa posted @my MIL's house...he was curiously to noe what was the content...i told hubby..secretlaaa...then he seem like to merajuk......then...i just let the feeling go n gone......u knoe...1st April 2008 was my 10th day of my confinement day....i need sumbody to help me....than i got the idea...i asked Mak....my ibu angkat to help me ...bought the cake n prepared mee hoon singapore.....thanx mak 4 ur big helped..Then...once again...i asked the children who recite al-quran in our house to enjoy the meals at night of april fool....at first, hubby really dunot no wat i was doing..he was prepared to pick up makcik kelate for my massage2 session....I told hubby..takyahlaa ngurut mlm ni...jiey dah cancel ngn makcik kelate.....his face showed that he was not agree wif me....then he went to perform prayer at the mosque......when he came back home...at first he was quite shocked also......bcoz many children were there...when he looked at the cake...then he knew...i was celebrating his bufday again........seriously, on tat day i dunnot care enough of my berpantang day.........i did lots of work also...but i did 'nt mind...becoz i knew...tis is in me....not forced by de other people......sincere in my heart to my beloved hubby...i dunot noe he realize or not.......what i was doing...came through from the bottom of my heart........Darling...it's hard to tell u how much u mean to me, how much i treasure the memories we've shared..n how much i look forward to our future....but i can tell u the one thing that matters most of all......i love u and alwiz will.......2009: I tot i didn't want to give him anything tis year.....becoz....tis year seem lots of problem to us.......but when the time reached.......i felt sumthing missing if i didn't celebrate his bufday as usual i did..why i must feel like that???can u answer me????i didnt have the answer also.....one day hubby said.....jiey...kalau nak bg hadiah tahun ni....bg topi keledar pun takper...."then i kept thinking n thinking...why not????? good try......so i asked my fren to get one for me........so my hubby didn't noe what n when n where i bought for him tis year.....in the afternoon of 1st April 2009. i called En Ahmad, manager of satay Zul restaurant n booked a place 4 our dinner 2nite.....i invited mummy,papa, kakak n abglg also.......at night i asked hubby...."jom, celebrate bufday @satay zul...he was shocked n seem tired to go there....i was near to cry...but try 2 be cool...."jiey dah booked meja,xkan x nak pegi..."i was trying n trying 2 persuade him..at last he agreed...but in hard smile.......then we enjoyed eating Satay there.Mummy did not follow us coz she said she was very tired n need 2 sleep early......after that, at home.....once again i asked batrsyia to take out a black plastic bag to her walid......can u imagine what i put in it????of course my hubby's dream present...then he smiled.....n said he wanted to change the visor........up 2 u la babe.......my heart said: Darling I luv u....I wanna be loved much by u..Please...i don wanna cry again....I want to say that ..I love u very much!!!!2010.....sixth years now we lived together.....tis year started wif a very busy life......present..??lost the idea....i 've early cancelled my tuition class on Thursday nite...hoppin that we can celebrate on actual day.....but many things happened n distracted us........u also had a tuition class to attend...That's why i cant sleep......n i hope u keep ur promise to me......the only things i gave u on tis speacial day: a box of cupcakes....hoppin u'll enjoy it...n i tot my 2 n half hour make up tis entry was quite enough...i want to go cooking for tomorrow....since i've not been cooking 4 about 2 days........sorry laling...i'm suffering ur stomach...BUT not alwiz key...when sumtimes the feeling of LAZY come......okey.....think...n think....HAPPY BUFDAY HUBBY......I LOVE U SO MUCH>>>>that' s why i was so frustrated becoz tis year.....no celebration on actual day.....tomorrow we celebrate key>>>>bye..nice dream.


love,

ain athirah once upon a time


lastly, i grabbed nokia e71 as his burfday present tis year after a long thought!!!it was given on the last day of April,30th.


kau bertakhta di hati....

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