Menghitung Hari....

Entah apalagi yang akan aku titipkan pd malam yang sepi ini...di saat anak2 terlena awal..di saat aku keseorangan di rumah......ingin menonton...seperti biasa..itu bukan hobiku...ingin membaca, tiada pulak mood,ingin berfacebook.....aku mahu rehat dr dunia' buku muka' atas sebab tertentu...Biar Allah yang sahaja yang tahu.....lantas aku mencapai laptop yg chumil dan mungil ini untuk menemani malamku yang sunyi dan syahdu....(gatalkan ayat aku ni..)

Sekarang, waktu aku sedang menaip bait-bait kata ini, aku sebak.....tapi airmata aku masih bertahan...kerana hari ini adalah hari terakhir kak ana, pembantu kedaiku....merangkap ibu kpd ank muridku akan berhenti kerja dr kedaiku.....seorang yang banyak membantu menguruskan perniagaanku...sebelum aku memiliki kedai lagi...dia telah banyak bersama dengan bisnesku yang tak seberapa....sangat terasa bila kehilangan pekerja yang rajin dan proaktif...Namun aku redha kerna tahun depan aku tidak tahu di mana tempatku....K.ana..terima kasih kerana banyak membantu saya...Lain kali bole tolong lagi yer.....(menyeka airmata yang meluncur deras).....manjakah aku.....????erm...bule tahan..walau aku anak sulong....KAK LONG yang manja......anak umi dan walid yang telah membawa aku ke dunia..mengenal erti kehidupan....

Terima kasih atas jasa dan budi walid dan ummi ..membesarkan aku dalam payah....merentas benua...namun Alhamdulillah...aku tidak tercicir dari jalan menuju redhaNya....walaupun tidak bergelar ustazah....cukup sudah bergelar muallimah.......menjadikan aku menghargai jasa guru....SUKARNYA menjadi guru yang TERBAIK......Ya Allah tunjukkan aku jalanMu yang lurus....

Memulakan sessi kerja yang baru.....mencari kekuatan untuk memikul tugas baru bukan satu kerja yang mudah..perlunya RASA TANGGUNGJAWAb dalam diri..yang pasti 2011 akan aku lalui dengan penuh ketabahan dan keyakinan...walau terkadang mimpi2 ngeri semalam datang menghantui..tapi aku tidak perlu lagi menoleh ke belakang demi kehidupan yang lebih bahagia dan lebih tenang.....Banyakkan membaca al-Quran dan berzikir...Insya Allah hati akan bahagia.....Tahun 2011, aku akan menjadi lebih kisah.....kisah itu maksudnya 'alert' kepada apa sahaja yang berlaku di muka bumi ini supaya aku tidak menjadi frog under the coconut shell.....carik sendirilaaa aper maksudnya......dan aku ingin lebih produktif dan aktif supaya kerja2 tahun hadapan berjalan dengan penuh mutu dan keunggulannya....ha..ha..ha..ader jugak lawak cerdik dalam tulisan aku ni yerk..... aku nak mekarkan hati aku actually...padahal kannyer ader org pown bacer blog aku ni pown....dan genap setahun...hanya ader beberapa entry shj.....tapi itu tak bermakna aku malas tau...tapi aku malu untuk menulis...huahuaahaha...ader ker patut......tak patut2......aku mmg malas pown..sbb kerjaya aku bukan penulis blog, kanker aku ni CIKGU....bak namer glemerku yg ku request budak2 f1 panggil aku masa kena ajar diorang awal tahun lalu.....TEACHER G....wah wah wah..last2...SIR SAFIULLAH yang mengajar diorang.......tiada lg nama TEACHER G...huhuhu..whatever.....!!!!Yang penting aku gumbira dpt menyedekahkan ilmu yang ada kpd Y6 pupils......seronok walau aku penat..mengajar dan menguruskan bisnes.....MAMPUKAH AKU.......

Alhamdulillah...aku masih mampu menguruskan masa aku.....cuma kdg2..aku tak sempat untuk masak......takper..ader org tu tgh diet...dan aku pown sama2 diet....nak jd cicak kubing ker aper.....taklaa.....bak kater org tu......kena jagala kesihatan diri n kecantikan diri supaya maintain chumil n cute......lagi dan lagi lawaks menjelma....jgn gelak yer...sbb di saat ini...aku terbayangkan MArykaY yg tak sempat2 nak pakai hari2...bodysuit pun lamer dah tak pakai......maajun???ubat dalam kapsul bulelaa kut,..maajun mama surrender awal2.....facial tak menyempat2 nak pergi....padahal sebelah kedai aku jer......dan yg paling aku damba ialah mesin urut yang bentuknya macam katil.....alaa..korang bayangkan katil bujang tu...n tilam tu adalah mesin urut...bestkannn???kalau aku ni terrer...dah lamer aku reka sendiri katil tu..tapi yang ader kat kedainyer kerusi urut semua...bukan katil urut.....sbbnya...asal pukul 11mlm jer...(tu time tido aku paling awal tetiap malam.....)..biler dh baring2..mulerla..lenguhnya tubuh badan.....terkeluarlaaa kalimat "beshnya kalau ader katil urut time2 lenguh tubuh gini".......

Mr. Hubby aku pun dh jemu panas telinga dengar kalimat ni agaknya......tapi itulah hakikat kehidupan...kita tak akan rasa letih selagi gagah berdiri....bila merehatkan diri...barulah kita tahu dan sedar bahawa BERTUAH nya kita kerana diberi NIKMAT sihat berpanjangan....Betul tak?????Alaa...saper yg jawab??? skrin jugak yaang jawab.........

Aku dah merapu menghaban telipot dah ni.....jam dah menunjukkan quarter past eleven......Mr. Hubby lom balik lg dari main badminton..mlm Selasa badminton...Mlm Jumaat Futsal......Aper2 ajerla...asal dia bahagia dan aku akan tetap setiap menanti sehingga dia pulang nnt..........

"Deary...I need ur shoulder to sleep with .......to accompany my dream till to heaven.....tomorrow n ever after...will be loving u till I die though I hurted u a lot babe.....I LUV U LALING!!!!"

patiently waited...

AJNAM GNABA

11.30P.M.

Hari Yang Bukan Biasa..............

Kota A Famosa.....di sini kami meluangkan cuti bersama anak-anak................
Naik beca yang penuh dengan bunga!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Sangat teruja!

Hijau itu menawan kan!!!!!!!

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Lama sudah aku tidak menulis..
bukan kerana sibuk...tetepi kerana jemariku ini seakan lesu untuk menari di atas petak2 huruf yang setia menanti coretan seorang aku....biarlah hari ini aku akan menulis apa sahaja yang terlintas difikiranku....untuk mengisi masa kosongku pagi ini.

2010..ada beberapa hari lagi untuk dihitung,beberapa detik lagi untuk dilalui...pasti ada kenangan pahit dan manis yang telah diharungi sepanjang tahun ini kan???Bagi aku, nikmat yang paling besar yang kunikmati pada tahun ini adalah nikmat kesihatan yang telah dianugerahkan oleh Allah kepadaku..syukur padaMu Ya Allah, mengurniakan aku tubuh badan yang sihat, anak2 yang jarang sakit, juga pemimpin keluarga yang sihat.
Aku sangat bersyukur kepada Yang Maha Kuasa kerana menganugerahkan nikmat ini kepada aku, suami dan anak2. Aku menjadi manusia yang sangat aktif dan hanya 4 hari aku mengambil cuti sepanjang tahun ini

Apabila memerhatikan sahabat2...dan orang sekeliling terpaksa bercuti kerana diri mereka dan anak2 mengalami masalah kesihatan, aku lebih menghargai hidup ini...Nikmat sihat sebelum sakit adalah nikmat yang terbaik Allah kurniakan supaya hamba2Nya dapat terus menunaikan tanggungjawab sebenar sebagai KHALIFAH di muka bumi ini...Kerdilnya aku di sisiMu Ya Allah..

Namun, di saat-saat akhir menjelangnya ulangtahun kelahiranku yang ke-29, tiba-tiba kepalaku terasa berat, tubuhku menggigil,dan aku tidak berdaya untuk bangun dan melakukan tugas2 sebagai isteri dan ibu untuk beberapa hari....apa yang ditelan terasa pahit dan nafasku sentiasa tersekat dek selsema yang tak putus...Ya Allah, andai nikmat sihatku ditarik untuk kaffarah dosaku...aku redha...Tetapi berilah aku kekuatan untuk melangkah meneruskan hari esok yang belum pasti sampai bila hayatku di bumi ini..Beri aku kekuatan Ya Allah...

Alhamdulillah...sebelum aku terbaring lesu...sempat juga membawa anak2 mengenali dunia....ternyata...riang sekali wajah mereka dibawa ke tempat2 menarik di Malaysia. Sekali lagi Ya Allah, aku panjatkan syukur kerana memberi kami rezeki untuk kami terus melihat dunia ciptaanMu yang indah ini.....

2011...galak mengintai di birai senja.....ku nantimu dengan 1001 keazaman...Mahu yang terbaik mengiringiku dalam setiap apa yang aku usahakan...Sekiranya, terbaik untukku terus di sini, aku akur..namun sekiranya terbaik untuk aku pergi ke sana..jua aku akur..Yang penting aku tetap menyanjungi Yang Maha Pencipta kerana Dia adalah Pendengar Terulung dalam catitan diari hidup seorang aku....Jiey Balleza.

I dunot noe why..but try to realize......

Now I noe
And I realize
Where am I
in the place
which they called
'heart'...

The faster the time flies..
The more sins I did....
then i counted
it became a year
after the moment
which I 'll never forget
hurted a heart of mine..
then I just prayed and whispered to 'him'
the ONE and ONLY
May I get strength to face
the day of tomorrow and after...

Till these days long...
I wait a new day in my life
That will change the real meaning of happiness
in the diary of life
a servant of ALLAH...

ain athirah 2010

tears in my heart

the days gone
the time flies
the sad moment come....

why
a terrible test
hard to face
invited me again...
why and why...

I hate tears
I hate sorrow
I hate those feelings...

GOD..Guide me
Show me
the right path
the way to JANNAH...

ain athirah

Anxiety...............be my fren 2nite..

nottin 2 jot down..but i wish i could release my hypertension tis all weeks long.....my life was going wif a very tiring day....for almost everynite i alwiz slept near to 1 o'clock....then needed 2 prepare 4 2morrow as early as i could...@6a.m...5 hours sleeping session perday made my body didn't get enuff rest...i need more rest to let everything goes n gone................i need time to take care of myself,my darling,both lil princess n @da same time care about my busy life at school........till sumtime we argued each other.......here....a little bit words from a heart of mine b4 i continue my work...

Sumtime wif Sumbody...Or Nobody

sumtime
we need sumbody
or anybody
to care n share
about happiness
also sadness....
but
sumtime
i wonder
why people
always came near me
at the moment of....
light of my heart was bright
smile on my face was sweet
and
to ask things
these and those....

but
at the moment of
grief n sorrow..
nobody came to calm my heart
nobody asked why i'm not happy
nobody offered me
these and those.....

i didn' t keep it all
let it flew away
wif the wind
becoz i knew...
Allah will grant me a lot
of my patience n persevere..
Amin.


ain athirah
1211a.m
21july2010

Mampukah Aku......................

mampukah aku
untuk terus berdiri
di saat begini
saat yang
amat perit
amat getir
menguji kesabaran...

hati yang merah ini...
mampukah untuk pulih kembali..
dek
rasa yang mencengkam
rasa yang menghimpit
rasa yang membungkam..

amat pedih
untuk ku terima
satu momentum
membelah rasa
menghiris hati
membelasah jiwa
mengheret aku
hampir ke sana....

pulihkan aku
dari segala
belenggu duka..
agar diri tidak lagi terluka...
merasa terhina
meneruskan hari esok dan lusa..

ya Allah
jangan pikulkan atas pundakku
barang yang tak mampu kukendong...
bimbang keciciran..
seandai aku tidak lagi
kuat seperti dulu..

Bimbing jalanku
di atas sirot yg lurus..
jalan org yang Kau beri nikmat..
bukan jalan mereka yang Kau murkai...
Amin...


ain athirah
140710

Not me in myself....

"Ya Allah...beri petunjuk..beri hidayah...pada hambamu yang hina ini...ampunkan daku atas dosa yang kulakukan........................."

Lirik lagu yang tiba-tiba muncul dibenakku..lantas kualunkan dengan muzik hatiku sendri...telah kuhabiskan secawan Radix sekejap tadi...yang sengaja diminum agar mataku dapt bertahan......supaya aku dapat menghabiskan tugas2 seorang isteri agar segalanya nampak sempurna di matanya.....rutin harian sebagai pendidik di sekolah swasta teramat sibuk...hingga petang tadi pukul 5 petang baru ku bersua kembali dgn apple of my eyes..iffatul fathnin....Baru saje mencecah 2 tahun pada 23 mac yg lalu...fathnin membesar as a happy child..alwiz smile..n not alwiz cry....entertained my life....Sesungguhnya...hanya melihat senyumannya..cukup menghilangkan kepenatan aku bekerja.....Entahlah..kenapa tetiba inginku melakar kata2 pada dada blog ini pagi ini..Maybe I cant sleep as well as u guys.....so many things appeared in my mind tis night......for today is actually a meaningful day in my life....coz..2day is really his 29th burfday......happy bufday laling.....Last night, I waited patiently till 12am..just only 2 be the first person wishing him happy Birthday...though my eyes crazy to sleep....n really slept at 11.45p.m...Then I believed tat....God had awaken me up when i opened my eyes, the clock shows 11.58p.m n i was quickly texting him a short n simple msg...."Happy birthday,cyg buchuk!"...then it was delivered when I heard tones from his nokia 6210...."u have received a message"....Then i smile....continued my sleeping session....He noticed me 2day tat he was really tired n hungry...tat's why he slept early last nite...(noted : my sins coz I was very tired 2 cook tat evening....) at the moment of COUNTDOWN......so i was not keeping things in my heart....... let he took his rest.....n one thing was.....i dunot noe what i wanna 2give him tis year...for in me alwiz care n take note about the important date in our life...especially his burfday.....Laling...can't i recall back the memories of ours????sometimes, my memory was very hard 2 remember what i've done on his bufday....but sometimes I realized tat i was really crazy to do surprised on him 4 almost every year.....2005: The first year we celebrated ur bufday as a husband n wife...i was really forgot what was my present 2 him on tat year.....n i just found a cute card in his collection : batrisyia was not exist yet at tis moment....oppppssss...the sound of beethoven still function till tis nite...here wat i wrote in his card...my hopes on tat day...."aku tidak mengharapkan hidup di kelilingi intan permata..masih memerlukan pada cintamu yang dulu..cinta yang lebih bermadu..kasih yang lebih bersinar....rindu yang tiada noktahnya......." just a little bit key....ok..tat words trully came deep of my heart... what i wanna him 2 be.....as same also wif me...2006: This year my hubby was at IPSMB....completing his studies in KPLI.....I was in Kuantan.... the second year being a teacher at SRI Al-Irsyad Balok...how difficult it was to make sumtin on his bufday......then i got the idea...as early on february..i bought a Casio Watch@ time galerie...Giant Kuantan...then during the holidays on March...when i went back to my sweet home @Besut...i put a a box which was beautifully wrapped in my wardrobe...@place can't be seen....1st April 2006 : i was in kuantan...hubby was in Besut...i've made a call to him....'hello,abg ader nampak tak bj blablabla jiey yg tertinggal dlm almari..cari jap...kalu jumper...call g semula jap lg...tat's the dialogue....luper jgk..tp gitchulaa rasanya..then after a minute, he called back....."jumper hadiah celah bj.." thanx.....,then i wished him Happy Bufday... the card was also had happy bufday tones in it....still well functioned while completing tis entry....some of my heart saying in the card was: "Do remember our hard work..hard planned, hard decision to go as far as these days..Remember it was not easy to be together like today...."-mat salleh version....n tis was a malay version:-siang dan malam isterimu berdoa agar ditetapkan hati kita berdua,biarpun jauh,semoga kita lebih menghargai apa yang tiada dihadapan mata. moga jarak yg memisahkan kita menjadikan kita lebih akrab, rapat dan mesra.Pernah dulu kita sematkan kejujuran,keikhlasan dan kesetiaan pada tonggak sebuah cinta. Abadikan bersamanya'permata cinta' IFFATUL BATRISYIA'..hadirnya menambah seri, melengkapkan kasih sayang kita...Besar harapan ini, agar si comel ini menjadi pengikat kasih setia antara kita..."Full stop. 2007: tis year we got together in Kuantan...early in the morning 1st April 2007....i quickly decorated outside of my mil's house wif ribbons, crepe paper n balloons....paste a tentative of the programme on da wall.....n he was wondering what i was doing...maybe.....he had already noe..but buat2 dunno...hehe...at 10 am...the children whom we taught them al-Quran came 2 celebrate...i asked hubby to wear in pink....then he just followed....i taught this year celebration was the best one coz i can organized lots of games wif the children....about 30 sumtin jgk rasenya yg dtg....we had tiup belon smpai pecah competition, rebut kerusi n poisoning box......all of the children looked happy....at 12.00 noon...the prize giving caremony reached....i asked my daughter to give a present to her walid..then after he got the prize..i asked hubby to open it in front of the children whose faces very curious 2 knoe wat was the prize.....To their shocked ,everybody caught in a big laugh when hubby took out the toy handphone from the box...then i said..nak hadiah handphone kan......batrisya bgla handphone ni kat walid.....On tat time, hubby still used 3310 phone i tot......everybody still in laugh until i came out wif a big box....then i asked him.....ok..open this box....only wrapped wif newspaper...then hubby opened one by one...box by box.....then.....very surprised that......the real present from ummi was nokia handphone 5300 model...how happy my hubby was on tat time....everything tat made u happy was already there babe...this was my heart saying: Ke arah sedekad bersama,banyak manis dan duka dilakari,dalam lipatan memori,terasa bagai begitu mengenalimu..ubahilah apa yang sama pada musim yang lalu..tingkatkan iman,seringkanlah undang isterimu ke jalan syurga..jemputlah aku solat bersamamu,temanilah diri bertahajjud menghadap Ilahi, perbanyakkan membaca Al-Quran, serta dahulukanlah solat setiap kali fajar siddiq menjelma...doakan diriku dan anak kita tergolong dalam golongan yang dicintai Allah(sekadar muhasabah).2008:-i was pregnant 4 our second baby on that year.....so, early on January.the preparation was started....coz my due is expected on March. I asked my frens Ummi Salwa who was doing her Phd to look out the wallet @her place of study......Australia..Besides...I also bought batik long sleeve at Pasar MPKB to him..n one more present...i can't tell u guys ..secret..u guess it urselves hokeyh......To his anger....when the parcel which Ummi Salwa posted @my MIL's house...he was curiously to noe what was the content...i told hubby..secretlaaa...then he seem like to merajuk......then...i just let the feeling go n gone......u knoe...1st April 2008 was my 10th day of my confinement day....i need sumbody to help me....than i got the idea...i asked Mak....my ibu angkat to help me ...bought the cake n prepared mee hoon singapore.....thanx mak 4 ur big helped..Then...once again...i asked the children who recite al-quran in our house to enjoy the meals at night of april fool....at first, hubby really dunot no wat i was doing..he was prepared to pick up makcik kelate for my massage2 session....I told hubby..takyahlaa ngurut mlm ni...jiey dah cancel ngn makcik kelate.....his face showed that he was not agree wif me....then he went to perform prayer at the mosque......when he came back home...at first he was quite shocked also......bcoz many children were there...when he looked at the cake...then he knew...i was celebrating his bufday again........seriously, on tat day i dunnot care enough of my berpantang day.........i did lots of work also...but i did 'nt mind...becoz i knew...tis is in me....not forced by de other people......sincere in my heart to my beloved hubby...i dunot noe he realize or not.......what i was doing...came through from the bottom of my heart........Darling...it's hard to tell u how much u mean to me, how much i treasure the memories we've shared..n how much i look forward to our future....but i can tell u the one thing that matters most of all......i love u and alwiz will.......2009: I tot i didn't want to give him anything tis year.....becoz....tis year seem lots of problem to us.......but when the time reached.......i felt sumthing missing if i didn't celebrate his bufday as usual i did..why i must feel like that???can u answer me????i didnt have the answer also.....one day hubby said.....jiey...kalau nak bg hadiah tahun ni....bg topi keledar pun takper...."then i kept thinking n thinking...why not????? good try......so i asked my fren to get one for me........so my hubby didn't noe what n when n where i bought for him tis year.....in the afternoon of 1st April 2009. i called En Ahmad, manager of satay Zul restaurant n booked a place 4 our dinner 2nite.....i invited mummy,papa, kakak n abglg also.......at night i asked hubby...."jom, celebrate bufday @satay zul...he was shocked n seem tired to go there....i was near to cry...but try 2 be cool...."jiey dah booked meja,xkan x nak pegi..."i was trying n trying 2 persuade him..at last he agreed...but in hard smile.......then we enjoyed eating Satay there.Mummy did not follow us coz she said she was very tired n need 2 sleep early......after that, at home.....once again i asked batrsyia to take out a black plastic bag to her walid......can u imagine what i put in it????of course my hubby's dream present...then he smiled.....n said he wanted to change the visor........up 2 u la babe.......my heart said: Darling I luv u....I wanna be loved much by u..Please...i don wanna cry again....I want to say that ..I love u very much!!!!2010.....sixth years now we lived together.....tis year started wif a very busy life......present..??lost the idea....i 've early cancelled my tuition class on Thursday nite...hoppin that we can celebrate on actual day.....but many things happened n distracted us........u also had a tuition class to attend...That's why i cant sleep......n i hope u keep ur promise to me......the only things i gave u on tis speacial day: a box of cupcakes....hoppin u'll enjoy it...n i tot my 2 n half hour make up tis entry was quite enough...i want to go cooking for tomorrow....since i've not been cooking 4 about 2 days........sorry laling...i'm suffering ur stomach...BUT not alwiz key...when sumtimes the feeling of LAZY come......okey.....think...n think....HAPPY BUFDAY HUBBY......I LOVE U SO MUCH>>>>that' s why i was so frustrated becoz tis year.....no celebration on actual day.....tomorrow we celebrate key>>>>bye..nice dream.

love,

ain athirah once upon a time

lastly, i grabbed nokia e71 as his burfday present tis year after a long thought!!!it was given on the last day of April,30th.